The Circle of Life

            The past year has been a year of change for our family. With the passing of my grandmother in October and the birth of our first child the following June, we have experienced the circle of life. And just like most of our life experiences, our story is far from ordinary and truly something to be called our own.

            During this time last year, Adam and I were preparing for a once in a lifetime trip with friends to Munich, Germany for Oktoberfest. We couldn’t wait to see everyone, share a few (or more than a few) beers with our friends, and soak up the beautiful atmosphere of one of the greatest traditions Europe has to offer. But Angola had other plans for us. Adam came home from work one day and informed me that they still hadn’t processed his visa which meant that he wouldn’t be able to leave the country until they finished renewing it. And because I was on his visa, I wasn’t able to renew my visa until they had finished processing his documents. And poof, just like that our magical trip was cancelled. We wouldn’t be cheering “Prost!” with our friends or throwing back a few beers while we listened to music in a tent set up to host thousands.

            Despite my complete and utter state of devastation, I spent the week of our trip creeping on my friends’ Facebook pages in order to live vicariously through them all. Adam tried cheering me up by treating me to a date night at a restaurant that had both half chickens and beer on the menu. How did I ever get so lucky to find a man like Adam? As the days passed, I realized that they weren’t going to finish Adam’s visa in time for me to submit my documents, so I packed my bags and hopped on a plane headed back across the Atlantic.

            But the news of the visa situation and trip cancellation ended up being rather bittersweet for me. While I didn’t get to enjoy a vacation with my husband and friends, I did get the chance to spend some quality time back in the States with my grandmother right before her passing. I had previously kissed my grandmother goodbye in June knowing that it may be the last time I saw her, so I was more than relieved to have the opportunity to be with her again.

            But a canceled trip to Germany and spending time with my grandmother weren’t the only surprises life had in store for me. A week after my little feet hit U.S. soil, I found out I was pregnant. I was so excited to tell Adam, but of course he was almost 8000 miles away and 6 hours ahead of me. I spent that morning trying to figure out the best way to share the exciting news with him considering telling him in person was out of the question. I went to Target and bought a pumpkin baby body suit and then waited impatiently by the computer for him to Skype call me. I had sent him a text earlier in the day informing him that I had purchased a few “fall decorations” for the house and wanted to show him on video Skype.

            After the usual “how was your day” start to our daily Skype conversations, I held up the baby outfit and asked him if he liked our new “fall decorations” for the house. His response wasn’t exactly what I had expected. He said, “Who is that for?” and followed it up with a very confused look. Apparently my great idea of surprising him with a baby outfit didn’t translate so well. Obviously he was over the moon once I spelled it out for him that the stork would be dropping us off a little bundle of joy next June. Both of us were extremely excited to share the news with our families considering grandbabies had been a frequent topic of conversation between them since Adam and I got married, but we decided that we wanted to wait until Adam got back so we could share the happy news together.

            The month of October was such an exciting but also depressing time for me. Here I was bursting at the seams with the best secret of my life, but also watching my grandmother and family go through one of the most difficult times in all of our lives. My grandmother’s health continued to deteriorate until she was no longer responsive. I knew that her hearing would be the last thing to go, so I continued to go sit by my grandmother’s bed almost every day and reminisce with her about all of the good times we had and beautiful memories we made together. Even though she couldn’t respond, I told myself that she enjoyed hearing all of the stories.

            One day I made the decision to tell her the secret that Adam and I had been keeping. I was alone with her in the room, which made it the perfect opportunity. It was now or never. I told her that Adam and I had something that we hadn’t shared with our parents yet but wanted to share with her. We were expecting a baby early next summer. My grandmother’s face lit up and she smiled. I was completely shocked by her response because she hadn’t responded to anyone for days. Tears streamed down my face because I knew she heard me and was able to share in on the excitement of our big news. I continued to tell her that it was okay to let go when she was ready and that we needed her to look after us more than ever now. I left that day feeling as if a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders because I knew that I had truly said everything I needed to say to her.

            Later that night my parent’s received a phone call from the hospital. We all went to be by her bedside. A few hours later, she passed away taking our little secret with her. As we all grieved the loss of her, I wanted nothing more than to share the story with my family but knew it would have to wait. Another time, another day. And just like that, the circle of life was no longer just a movie but a reality.